Some relationships, whether good or bad, will come to an end. But, what happens when you want to rekindle an old flame?
By Stephina Zwane
Before calling your ex and declaring your undying love, psychologist Taryn Steyn believes that it is important to evaluate why you ended the relationship in the first place. “Relationships always have a reason for ending. Often one or both parties have been aware that things have not been going well for some time,” she says.
“Deciding to give a failed relationship another chance is especially difficult once you’ve already separated. It is essential to know why it failed and why there is a need to revive it.”
Closure vs healing. The dynamics are different when you are not looking to rekindle the relationship, but rather to find closure. This is often the reason for keeping contact with your ex, especially when you were the one who got dumped. Being dumped can result in you questioning yourself or feeling like a failure. Rekindling the relationship provides hope to prove this wrong or get a better reason of why things ended.
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When there is hope. In some instances, rekindling an old relationship can be successful. But, for this to happen, you have to be honest with your feelings and be willing to work through the issues that contributed towards the breakup. You could also consider going for counselling as a couple where you can lay your issues on the table without judgement.
More importantly, it’s an opportunity to set boundaries and be clear about your
deal-breakers in order to avoid any misunderstanding.