According to Alisa Ruby Bash, PsyD, LMFT, “pillow talk is an intimate, real, unguarded dialogue that occurs between two lovers.” According to Bash, this kind of secure, devoted, and sincere connection and conversation typically takes place while hugging or in bed. It could also occur before or after having intercourse with a partner, though this isn’t a must.
According to Healthline, these conversations frequently don’t require eye contact, which enables you to speak more consciously while being ignorant of your partner’s nonverbal indications. The ability to have more in-depth conversations without engaging in self-censorship is one of the reasons pillow talk is effective.
Others might find it more difficult to open up in this form of talk, yet it may come naturally to some people. We’ll offer advice on how to start a conversation that leads to intimacy.
What can pillow talk do for your relationship?
According to Alisa, it’s typical to feel your levels of oxytocin, the hormone that promotes connection and love, rise while you’re lying down, unwinding, and hugging. This hormone naturally promotes sentiments of being in love by making two people feel close and connected to one another.
However, improving a relationship involves more than just the pillow talk before sex: what you do and say after counts just as much, if not more. In fact, a 2014 studies found that cuddling, conversing, and caring for one another all lead to greater sex and a higher rating of relationship satisfaction.
Some examples of pillow talk:
If you’re still unsure of what pillow conversation entails? Healthline provides a few starters that you and your partner can use:
- Recalling special moments, like when you first fell in love
- talking about fears that need comforting
- reminding each other of your love
- Sharing dreams for the future, going on adventures together, and trying new things as a pair
- sharing qualities and actions that can make your spouse feel safer and more confident
Also see: Navigating cultural shocks if you’re in an interracial relationship
