This month we are celebrating the beautiful love story of Violet Antoinette Swartz (34) and Moude Sape Maodi-Swartz.
The couple met in 2008 in a taxi and Sape recalls: “She (Violet) was sitting in the backseat and there was no space there so I had to sit in the seat in front of her. Although I had my back towards her and I had no reason to turn around, I kept trying to make eye contact with her. She was also seated with her then girlfriend, which I noticed later. When money was being passed on to the driver I used the opportunity (and so did she) to make eye contact again because the connection was too strong and too real.
Vee eventually asked the guy sitting next to me for his number claiming that she wanted some sneaker from the store (he was wearing a Studio88 T-shirt), the guy gave Vee his number. When I heard her saying “After Robot” I thought I had missed a chance of a lifetime but I told myself that if she belonged to me she would definitely return to me. We made eye contact yet again when she got off the taxi and it made that “I missed my chance” feeling worse.”
But Sape would get another chance because the stranger’s phone would ring, and he would say to Sape “it’s for you” and on the other side was Vee. Sape says “her first words were ‘Hi, may you please give me your number?’ I told her that I am about to get off the taxi and I will give the guy my number, she profusely refused and said I should call them out quickly which I did. 10 seconds later I when she called and our lives began!”
The couple dated for 7 years before decided to get officially married. They share: “We both realised that we could not live without one another. We talked about all of the challenges we conquered together and the plans we had for the future and we realised that it was time and we could not wait any longer.”
It was Vee who raised the question of marriage in 2010 by giving Sape a promise ring on Sape’s birthday. “She gifted me with the promise ring in a wine glass (which I almost choked on because I couldn’t see it. LOL!). She promised me that one day we would get married, and in 2017 we had the official “talk” which was exciting but scary at the same time because we were embarking on a journey which no one had done before. We wanted a full on traditional wedding and although we had never seen or heard of lesbian lobola and traditional wedding ceremonies all wanted was that we will officially be recognised traditionally as a married couple.”
The couple got married on 19 December 2017 at their family homes. “The 19th is our anniversary date and Vaivi’s mom’s birthday and we thought that it’s a beautiful day which has to be celebrated. Traditionally it was important to have the ceremonies at the homes that we were raised in. The highlight of the day was the acceptance, love, support and happiness from family, friends and community members. The love and encouragement received was overwhelming and comforting and we will never forget that day. Our family was really involved and assisted so much on the day to ensure that all went well.”
Their story of love and joy has not been without some challenges. First was the living together: “The transition was slow but we made it to where we wanted to be. Financially, we sacrificed a lot to be and live together and emotionally the sacrifices were worth it. Living together was the ultimate goal for us and it is the best feeling in the world. We love it so much that we have not spent one night apart since we moved in together.”
Some of the other challenges were greater including experiencing discrimination: Sape reveals, “In the beginning phase of our relationship people could not understand our love and some rejected our love in the name of homophobia. It was difficult to even walk holding hands without stares or questions. My family did not understand my sexual orientation and it was hard for them to accept it. We were very unapologetic about our love and we knew that we had to fight for it because we depended (emotionally) so much on one another and could not let society dictate our happiness.”
“We always remind one another of our love for one another (at the end of calls, when you say goodbye, in arguments etc.), always demonstrate your love (actions speak louder than words) and we are both hopeless romantics and always find new ways to make the other feel special. Always think outside of the box and trust your partner enough to let loose and the rest will fall into place but always make an effort.”
The Swartz’ ingredients to a lasting a happy marriage.
Communication – Talk and communicate about everything that you feel, see and experience
Commitment – Be fully commitment to the love of your life, be committed to the promises that you’ve made to one another, be committed to your path, journey and goals you have set together.
Trust – Always cherish trust and never take it for granted
Love – Always demonstrate and tell your partner of how much they are loved and appreciated.
Loyalty – Be loyal to your marriage and to your partner. Be loyal in their presence and in their absence.
Respect – Respect one another at all times even in disagreements
Support – Support one another in whatever and always encourage growth and success.
Humour – Be stupid together, laugh at one another, share jokes, make fun of one another and laugh together (every chance you get)
Faith – A couple that prays together stays together
Décor KG Rocka
Catering Phetolo and Family members from both sides
Photgrapher Aya productions (Blunt Moya) and Brian Sibeko
Outfits Ethnik Republik
The Swartz win a My Chocolate Box hamper valued at R1000.
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