Being able to talk openly to our partners about sex, especially about what we like and what turns us on, has actually been proven to make us enjoy sex better – because let’s face it, if we’re getting what we want we’re obviously going to be happy. Communication is what keeps most relationships together. But a lot of people find sex talk uncomfortable and embarrassing.
Durex Sexologist Catriona Boffard shares tips on how to get what you want in the bedroom.
When to talk
- Don’t talk at the dinner table with kids around or after you’ve had a bad day at work.
- Pick a time when you’re both relaxed, at ease and when you feel comfortable around one another.
- Try not to talk about sex during foreplay or sex. Rather make the time for these conversations outside of the bedroom when you can give each other your full attention.
- Agree that you have a time and place to talk, rather than springing it on each other.
How to say it
- Respect each other and what you’re both saying and remember to let your partner know how important this is to you.
- One might be a talker and the other a thinker – listen to each other, maintain eye contact, ask questions for clarity but do not judge or interrupt.
- Be sensitive. If you don’t like something that your partner does don’t accuse or blame them. Tell them gently and offer an alternative
- Rather suggest doing more of something than less of another
What to say
- Prepare – think things through first before you tell your partner what you want them to be doing to you in bed, be clear in your mind what you’d like to talk to them about.
- If you are nervous, start by remembering a fun sexual time you’ve had together and reminisce for a while before you get to the serious stuff.
- Never compare your partner to an ex or yourself to the beginning of your relationship.
