As horrible as it may feel, you won’t always get that apology from someone who hurt you deeply. Waiting for that acknowledgment will have you suspended in the past while you miss out on beautiful things today. Is it possible to move on without an apology? We say yes.
We all have the psychological need for closure, more so after an emotionally painful event like a divorce, a betrayal by a friend, or even an unfair dismissal. We feel that pain caused by another person must be acknowledged, that they should show remorse and then apologise sincerely. But life isn’t always that kind. Sometimes, the person who hurt you won’t or can’t apologise. Worse yet, they might not see the need to apologise.
Waiting for that apology can keep you stuck in a cycle of reliving painful memories, preventing you from living your life. Moving on without an apology can feel as though you’re letting them off the hook, but it isn’t. It’s choosing to prioritise your peace.
Why waiting keeps you stuck
An apology can be powerful because it validates the experience; it says that the pain you went through mattered. So when you don’t get it, you may question your emotions or minimise what you went through. ‘Was it really that bad? Am I overreacting?’, you may think. But tying your healing to someone else’s behaviour is damaging because it gives them power over your emotional life. The waiting itself anchors you to a moment that’s passed while the other person is probably blissfully living their life.
Reframe what an apology means to you
An apology means accountability and a sense of release. But, you can give yourself these things. On your own, acknowledge what happened, name it, and affirm your feelings. Permit yourself the right to feel however you feel. This is very freeing. Closure is not something someone grants you – you can claim it.
Let go, but don’t excuse the hurt
Ensure you understand that moving on is not about excusing bad behaviour or forgetting what happened. It means you release the hope that past events happened in a way you wish they did. You can hold someone accountable internally, set the necessary boundaries, and still decide not to carry that burden. Letting go is ultimately an act of deep self-respect.
Peace over resolution
Yes, at first it can feel devastating to realise that certain conversations won’t happen, but there’s also strength in that. All you can really do is hope that the other person’s conscience will catch up, but even that isn’t guaranteed. Make room for what matters now – growth, calm, and a future that’s completely in your control. And that’s exciting!
Compiled by Shaneen Noble
First published on Woman and Home
