Most parents’ intentions are good when raising children but sometimes mistakes can happen leaving kids feeling uncomfortable around you as a parent and wishing you wouldn’t come back when you’ve just gone out to the shops.
The way we were raised often plays a major role in what we implement in our parenting process, but that is not to say that is right. If there’s no peace at home due to you not seeing eye to eye with your kids, you might want to sit them down and also do an introspection. Following are four signs to take note of in order to determine if you might be a toxic parent as provided by Choosing Therapy.
You take your emotions out on your children
Toxic parents may use their children as an outlet for their emotions. For example, they may take their anger towards their spouse out on their children. This can be painful and confusing for children and fails to teach them healthy ways of managing their emotions.
You often have outbursts out of nowhere
Toxic parents may have emotional outbursts seemingly out of the blue. These emotional outbursts can elicit fear, confusion, or anger for children. When these outbursts are repeated, they may encourage children to avoid being around you or suppress their actual thoughts and emotions.
There are three common reasons for why emotionally immature parents may convince adult children to give in to “emotional takeovers”:
- Feeling bad about oneself for saying no
- Being fearful of a parent’s anger
- Being fearful of a parent’s judgment or punishment for setting limits
You use harsh forms of punishment
Discipline is a healthy parenting tool when used correctly; however, toxic parents often resort to harsh forms of punishment that are more dangerous and severe than warranted. For example, as a toxic parent, you may hit a child for not completing their chores. Harsh punishment might also be verbal and emotional (e.g., a parent who belittles a child who comes home with a bad grade).
You are controlling
Controlling parents become overly involved in their children’s lives to the point that it limits the child’s freedom, independence, and individuality. Signs of a controlling parent include interfering and expecting children to fit the parent’s image of what they “should” be, rather than giving them the freedom to develop their own interests and goals.
Also see: Tips on positive discipline techniques for parents
