‘Men Are Not Brave’: Tebogo Thobejane Opens Up About Dating After Her Shooting

by Chiraag
Tebogo Thobejane red carpet portrait, dating struggles after trauma, South African actress interview, GBV survivor South Africa, celebrity foundation launch, Bona Magazine

The Turning Point

Back in October 2023, the actress and socialite Tebogo Thobejane found her life jolted off-script when she and a friend came under fire on Johannesburg’s N1 highway. She was shot in the foot, while her friend sustained a spinal injury following the ambush. Her ex-boyfriend, Vusimuzi ‘Cat’ Matlala, later faced charges, including attempted murder and money laundering, in connection with the incident.
Since then, Thobejane says the world she once navigated with confidence has shifted.

“Men Are Not Brave”

In an Instagram Live session reshared in early November, Thobejane addressed her romantic life candidly. She claimed that men who once sought her out now hesitate when her name enters the room. “Men are not brave,” she declared, pointing to her survival of the shooting and the public aftermath as reasons cited by potential partners for keeping their distance.
She went on to say many men who might have once asked her out now glance away, wary not just of her fame but of the sensational headlines and legal drama connected to her name.

A Shattered Sense of Normal

What makes this moment more than celebrity gossip is the emotional cost. Thobejane revealed that her self-esteem has dipped. She shared that even where there was desire, the weight of being publicly known as a victim has shifted dynamics. She used to get a “yes” from many; now she feels overlooked.
In South Africa’s culture of strong women and outspoken personalities, her words sparked a mix of reactions online. Some sympathised; others claimed she was “playing the victim.” A few pointed to the reality that even in 2025, survival alone doesn’t always translate into feeling secure or dateable.

Context: When Violence Enters the Narrative

For a country grappling with gender-based violence (GBV), Thobejane’s story intersects with more than personal drama. Reports show that high-profile cases often uncover deeper fears—of being unsafe, of being silenced, and of living under watch. In July, she launched the Botlhale Foundation, aimed at supporting survivors of GBV and online abuse, saying she “found purpose in my pain.”
Her decision to speak about dating reveals how trauma bleeds into daily life, far beyond headlines.

Reframing Dating After Trauma

Here’s the fresh take: When someone has to fight for their life, the date doesn’t just become a social outing—it becomes a safety negotiation. Partners may fear being under threat; one wrong move might bring unwanted attention or danger. For Thobejane, calling out this shift is bold.
And it’s a reminder to readers that vulnerability, fame, and survival—these don’t cancel out basic human desires to connect; they just change what’s at stake.

What’s Next for Her and Us?

Thobejane’s story is still unfolding. The court case against Matlala is set for judgment later this year. Meanwhile, her foundation work continues, and her message around dating has opened up a conversation many shy away from.
For readers in South Africa and beyond, her experience nudges us to think: How do we support someone who’s survived more than most? How does the dating world respond when safety, not just chemistry, becomes the concern?

And perhaps the ultimate question: When you’ve already escaped bullets, what does it take to feel safe enough to open your heart again?

Source: Briefly News

Featured Image: Scrolla.Africa