Opinion
Lately, romantic love has been under a lot of scrutiny, with more people leaning toward prioritising familial, communal, and platonic love in their lives, as opposed to treating romantic love as the be-all and end-all.
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For a relatively good chunk of Western history, romantic love has been positioned as the greatest love one could and should have, so much so that marriage was modelled that way.
But who’s to say that the greatest love you will ever have is a romantic partner or a spouse?
Romance as a Western concept
Dating, which traces its linguistic roots to ancient Rome, was initially associated with a style of speech that imitated the informal language of Romans. Over time, the term evolved to describe a deep, passionate form of love between two people. This shift took place during the medieval period, when romance was often associated with literature and stories centred on love and courtship.
This came about because much of the literary work included sensational stories of grand gestures, chivalry, and fantasy.
Women’s History breaks it down in a way that showcases the influence of 15th-century love stories on the concept of courtship. Marriage incorporated from an exchange of property from father to prospective husband to the incorporation of marrying for love in the 18th to 19th centuries.
Men had to court women, and women had to choose the best suitors.
Essentially, the modern-day concept of romance is built upon fiction and performance.
Centring different kinds of love in your life
Taking into consideration the fallacy of romantic love, how can one truly sustain a well-rounded life when attaching their whole being to a fantasy? Granted, a spouse and romantic partner is a great kind of love to have; however, it is not the only relationship that is out there.
Much like the conversation TikTok creator DR Katlego Lekalakala had on The B Word podcast with the host Bokang Lehloke, they spoke on the intimacy of friendship and how ‘delicious’ it is.
She spoke as a married woman about the responsibilities of marriage, including parenting, managing the household, and finances, which can sometimes leave little space for emotional intimacy.
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They then highlighted that this is where friendship comes in. Platonic love is, at its essence, a relationship that has no benefit beyond emotional safety. There is no sexual attraction nor familial obligation. At its purest, it is two strangers deciding to love each other for no beneficial reason at all.
Then there is familial love, a love from the people who saw you at the beginning of your life. The people who met you at the beginning, before you evolved, changed, and grew.
These are impactful kinds of love, the kinds of love that shape you, nurture you, yet society expects you to abandon once a person gets married or treat it as a placeholder until the right person comes along.
Does love really fit into one kind of relationship?
American writer and performer Alok Vaid-Menon shared such a profound insight into this societal expectation that romance is the end-all, be-all of love and life.
“I just feel really mad that we live in a world that takes a thing as enormous as love and strangles it as romantic love. That’s not the only way to love,” they said.
This raises the question: why can’t people also be saved by their friendships? This is not an attempt to diminish the institution of marriage, but rather to question why it should be confined to romantic relationships.
After all, marriage was not originally built solely on the ideals of love and romance.
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Featured image: iStock/Robby Fontanesi
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