When Joy Feels Unsafe
It’s a strange paradox: life is good, yet your mind refuses to relax. You’ve found love, your career is thriving, and yet there’s a whisper of unease telling you, “Don’t get too comfortable. This won’t last.”
For Selena Gomez, 33, this feeling isn’t hypothetical. During an emotional talk at Fortune’s Most Powerful Women conference, the singer and Rare Beauty founder revealed that even on her happiest days, fear sometimes overshadows joy.
“Something great happens, and I expect something bad to happen,” Gomez admitted. “Instead of being present, I’m always thinking, ‘OK, but this could all go away tomorrow.’”
Even her wedding to music producer Benny Blanco brought tears tinged with anxiety. “I got married and then I was sobbing because I was like, ‘I’m gonna die the next day.’”
@jayshetty From my episode with @Selena Gomez in 2022 🎙️The vulnerabilty and openness Selena carried throughout this conversation is what made it so special ❤️🙏 if you missed it, go back and listen wherever you get your podcasts #selflove #motivation #selenagomez ♬ recalling memories that never existed – 18FEARS
The “Too Good to Be True” Syndrome
Psychologists have a name for this: hedonic anxiety, or the fear of happiness itself. Studies show that people who have experienced trauma, loss, or instability often associate joy with vulnerability.
In short, our brains are built to spot threats, not soak up joy. So when life finally feels calm, the mind often searches for danger—even when none exists.
For Gomez, who has long been in the public eye and open about mental health struggles, this hyper-awareness of vulnerability is all too real.
When Imposter Syndrome Steals the Moment
Even when life seems perfect, imposter syndrome can creep in. Studies suggest it affects up to 70% of high achievers, including celebrities and business leaders.
“You start thinking, ‘Do I deserve this? What if they realize I’m not as good as they think?’” Gomez explained. That self-doubt can act like a brake on happiness, a protective shield built from past fears.
For someone whose every move is scrutinized online, believing in your own joy can feel risky. Gomez’s experience reminds us that success and self-assurance don’t automatically translate to emotional ease.
The Pressure of Performing Happiness
Social media hasn’t made this easier. When happiness becomes a performance, even real joy can feel inadequate. Clinical psychologist Dr Laurie Santos notes that chasing happiness too aggressively can backfire.
“We start judging normal emotional ups and downs as failure,” she says. Real happiness, she insists, isn’t perfection—it’s presence. It’s allowing joy, fear, and uncertainty to exist together without labeling them as wrong.
Healing Through Awareness
Past pain often lingers, shaping how we experience good times. This anticipatory anxiety is why people like Gomez may feel tense during moments that should feel safe.
Awareness is key. Simply noticing when joy feels threatening can help retrain the mind to accept happiness. Experts suggest small, daily practices: writing down three moments of joy, grounding exercises, or mindfulness meditation. These tools help reinforce the idea that being happy is not a risk, it’s allowed.
Learning to Stay Present
Ultimately, happiness isn’t a permanent state; it’s a series of moments we can choose to inhabit fully. Gomez’s candid reflections remind us that even when life is seemingly perfect, being present is a skill we constantly practice.
“Happiness isn’t about erasing fear or sadness; it’s about making room for both,” the singer said.
For her, and for all of us, the real magic lies in sitting in the sunlight for a moment without worrying about the clouds—allowing ourselves to simply be present, even if only for a fleeting heartbeat.
Source: IOL
Featured Image: Youth Village
