It is said that marriage is the union between two people who exchange vows in front of a marriage officiant and live happily after. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but marriage is more than just that. Among other things, getting married also means that two families will be joined in the union, which may in many instances be a total bliss or a complete disaster!
You and your spouse need to set boundaries from the onset so that you won’t need to have unpleasant conversations in future regarding both families’ (in-laws) involvement in your union.
Here’s how you can set boundaries and get as close to “happily ever after” while maintaining a good relationship with your in-laws.
Address the issues first – if you are keen on setting boundaries with your in-laws, you need to first address the issues that are bothering you, e.g. are they overly controlling? or do they belittle you? or do they try to butt in for every occasion? The sooner you find the issues bothering you, the sooner you may get relief from overbearing in-laws, shares Marriage, an information hub dedicated to helping couples build healthier, happier relationships.
Talk with your partner – if you feel that setting boundaries with in-laws can help, first talk with your partner. For them, their family members are important. Hence, you must point out issues that bother you before doing this. If you still want to try before setting boundaries, ask your partner to speak with their family members about your feelings. It might also make them understand issues better, adds the aforementioned publication.
Be careful while communicating – your in-laws may not understand the boundaries. Hence, there can be cases where you find in law overstepping boundaries. In such cases, communicate sensibly. You may explain clearly why you think their opinion or activities are not positive in your life. You may need to take a firm stand when you find a mother-in-law overstepping boundaries and other in-laws doing so. Sometimes a little firmness might not hurt, adds Marriage.
Let go of expectations – some of us paint a picture in our minds of what our father-in-law or mother-in-law will do for us and our children. But, that just isn’t always real life. At the end of the day, we cannot control other people. Try not to focus on what you wish your in-laws would do or be. Even if it’s hard, dropping expectations completely can help you find ways to appreciate the little things. Your in-laws might not babysit every Friday so you can have a date night, but that occasional time that they offer, show your gratitude and share Family Education, an online publisher of learning-based content for parents and kids.
Try to be flexible – if you have a good relationship with your in-laws, try to let smaller infractions slide. If Grandma gives your kids too much candy on visits, maybe that is something you can just let go of (and if sweets are a big concern of yours that’s OK too). The point is to try and pick your battles when you can. If your in-law situation is not so peaceful, this advice also applies. Focus on addressing the issues that matter most while letting less important problems slide, adds the aforementioned publication.
Also see: Signs of love bombing in relationships
