The village and the villager: How to participate in community

“The price of community is inconvenience.” That famous phrase is entering people’s vocabulary as many start to pursue community.

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In the digital age where isolation and ‘cut-off’ culture are promoted, many are intentionally starting to seek out community, and yet a usually overlooked aspect of seeking community is its practicality.

Friendship and companionship are extremely crucial to adulthood, both functionally and emotionally… a frequent topic in psychology. However, the question is: in a society that has primed people to be overly self-reliant, consistently work on themselves, and have very little tolerance for people, how can one intentionally show up in community?

People are not projects

A subtle aspect of community that isn’t usually spoken about is that people need to be able to be themselves, even in the most unfavourable manner. This may look like complaining about the same thing over and over, one person needing more of you than usual, or someone being in a phase of life where they are simply hard to love.

Bokang Lehlokoe from The B Word podcast discussed how her friend came to her and claimed she treats them like a project. They spoke about how, sometimes, support isn’t about finding a solution or fixing the situation, but simply having someone hold your hand through a difficult time.

Showing up can be as simple as sitting with someone on the kitchen floor in silence, holding their hand as they cry.

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Time is gold

Every single relationship in adulthood requires time. You need to make time for the people in your life.

Whether you plan it through phone calls or spend time together, a community cannot be sustained when you don’t meet your people where they are. It may be a flex in this busy day and age that your friendships may not break if you go weeks without speaking to each other.

But how are people meant to show up for you in moments that you leave for monthly catch-up sessions?

Be a burden or be burdened

Making room to be annoyed with your people is normally part of living with human beings. In this context, annoyed refers to truly feeling upset by the behaviours your friends exhibit. Granted, there is a paradox where your emotional well-being needs to be taken into consideration.

However, your friends are human beings living different lives from you, and how they show up in their own lives may not always be in a manner that you deem correct or up to your standard.

This also comes from the understanding that members of your community are whole, well-rounded individuals. However, when supporting those living with mental or chronic illnesses, seeking guidance or counselling on how best to show up for them is encouraged.

Featured image: iStock/Aleksander Nakic

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