So you have a new crush and dying to find out more about him, you decide to play the investigator and get all the juicy details by stalking them on the social network, not taking any note of the dangers of stalking.
Having stalker tendencies can have consequences. Lifestyle coach and motivational speaker Godfrey Madanhire, shares his knowledge on the matter.
IT’S ALL IN THE MIND
“Stalking is generally considered an abnormal social behaviour,” says Madanhire. It’s connected to personality disorder, emotional instability and even depression. “One can reasonably cherish that engaging in stalker behaviour will accentuate whichever dysfunctional state of mind already exists within you,” he adds.
THE STALKERS PATH
There are generally five accepted types of stalker in behaviour research terms according to Madanhire, and they all relate to either rejection or feeling excluded from a person, group or community.
TYPES OF STALKERS
Australian researcher Paul Mullen, proposed that stalkers be classified as either the rejected stalking type, who feels that a relationship with someone has ended unwillingly; the intimacy seeker type, who fixates on a stranger and believes they are in a relationship; “the incompetent subtype”, who is like an intimacy seeker but knows that the victim is not in a relationship with him or her; the resentful type, who is out for revenge against someone; and the predator, who wants to dominate or control someone.
“Generally speaking, researchers have found that stalker behaviour is related to one of those scenarios, and it’s easy to see how easily it can translate to online behaviour,” explained Madanhire.
WHAT ARE THE DANGERS OF STALKING SOMEONE
Madanhire says in many countries stalking another person is illegal. So one danger of stalking someone is being arrested and thrown in jail. People can become aggressive if they’re cornered, or become aware of you, so if you stalk someone it could ultimately end up in a violent confrontation. Again, this could lead to the law getting involved, so it’s probably going to end badly either way.
STALKER SIGNS
There are a number of signs that might suggest you are being stalked. Probably the most obvious ones include that the person in question contacts you a lot – which could be up to several times a day. Often they’ll want to know where you are, ask where you’re going or who you’re with. Sometimes they’ll know things about you that you didn’t tell them, or they’ll tell you about where you were or what you did. You might notice that they start “friending” your friends, and talking about you in ways that you do not agree with. Often communication will turn nasty and then strangely switch back to friendly again.
ARE YOU BEING STALKED?
Madanhire has advised that the best advice to follow, especially online, is to be very careful with what information you share.
- It is hard to predict when someone may potentially be a stalker. Once someone starts exhibiting suspicious behaviour toward you let the person know that they are giving you unwanted attention.
- Tell someone (either a friend or a group of your friends) about the situation. Make a note of every incident and try to capture evidence of it. Do not be afraid to file a report if you sense there is a real threat. Even if the police can’t actually take action yet, there will be a record that might come in handy at a later stage.
- Most importantly, if you are feeling threatened then you must seek help. Stalkers are at their most powerful when the situation is a secret.
