One of the most important lessons children can learn is that their choices have consequences. What they do can affect themselves, their family and the people around them.
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Teaching children this lesson does not mean being harsh or frightening them. Effective discipline is about helping children understand boundaries, take responsibility for their behaviour and learn how to make better choices in the future.
Positive discipline strategies that teach children appropriate behaviour while maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship are important.
A study done by UNICEF says these include setting clear limits, using reasonable consequences, listening to children and recognising good behaviour.
What does it mean to teach consequences?
A consequence is what happens as a result of a choice or behaviour. When your child repeatedly breaks a household rule, you as a parent need to temporarily restrict a privilege. The purpose is not to make the child suffer. The purpose is to help them understand the connection between choices, actions and outcomes.
UNICEF adds that positive discipline is an approach that teaches responsibility, cooperation and self-discipline rather than relying on fear or punishment.
Keep the consequences calm and consistent
One of the biggest challenges you need to face as a parent is staying calm when your child repeatedly breaks a rule. Positive discipline focuses on calm, consistent responses.
Sometimes there is no need for a long argument. UNICEF recommends calm consequences and emphasises the importance of consistency.
Consequences should also be realistic enough for you to follow through with.
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Give your kids the chance to make amends
Sometimes the best consequence is helping a child repair the damage caused by their behaviour. If they hurt someone’s feelings, encourage them to apologise and consider what they can do to make things right. If they make a mess, they can help clean it.
This teaches an important principle: Making a mistake does not mean you are a bad person. It means you have an opportunity to take responsibility and make things better.
Encourage good choices
Discipline should not focus entirely on correcting bad behaviour. Children also need to know when they are doing something right. A UNICEF study reported that instead of simply saying “good job,” try being specific.
Praise good behaviour and good attempts because positive attention can reinforce desirable behaviour.
Adjust consequences for your child’s age
A consequence that works for a teenager may not make sense for a toddler. Young children often need short, immediate and simple consequences because they are still developing their understanding of cause and effect.
Older children can have more responsibility and participate in discussions about rules and consequences.
Children need boundaries, but they also need patience, connection and opportunities to learn from their mistakes.
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