Have you ever been around someone who loves talking about themselves so much that they seize every opportunity in your conversation to make it about them? These are the kind of people who would boomer-ask, throwing a question at you with the expectation that you would ask them back because the aim was to get them talking about the question in the first place.
According to the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, boomer-asking is a pervasive way people attempt to reconcile these competing goals, where they first pose a question to their conversation partner, let their partner answer, and then answer the question themselves. This sequence of conversational choices, like a boomerang, involves asking a question, letting the partner answer, and then immediately bringing the focus back to themselves.
Researchers Alison Wood Brooks from Harvard Business School and Michael Yeomans from Imperial College London found that boomer askers often leave a sour taste in the recipient’s mouth, as their decision to share their own answer appears egocentric and disinterested in their partner’s perspective. Because let’s be honest, if you wanted so badly to tell me something about yourself or what you’re up to, you could have said that directly instead of making me believe that you want my view on the matter also.
The Hertelier website claims that This self-centered approach can lead to a “me-first” attitude, potentially affecting a person’s interactions with others. Health writer Sanjana Gupta shares six signs of self-centered individuals: dominating conversations, lacking empathy, taking more than they give, wanting things done their way, quick to blame others, and always wanting to be the center of attention. To combat this, the publicatin suggestat you it is essential to ask sincere questions, listen to others’ answers, and follow up on those answers.
Also see: Mental health perks of mindful communication
