Sibling disagreements are a normal part of family life, but some parenting habits can unintentionally make competition between brothers and sisters worse. According to the South African College of Applied Psychology, understanding behaviours which can fuel sibling competition helps parents create a more harmonious home.
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1. Comparing children
Even seemingly harmless comments such as “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” can spark resentment.
Comparisons can make children feel they are competing for approval rather than being valued for their unique strengths.
2. Labelling each child
Assigning labels such as ‘the sporty one’ or ‘the clever one’ may seem convenient, but it can limit children’s identities and encourage rivalry. Siblings may feel pressured to live up to a label or compete against it.
3. Praising one child publicly
Celebrating achievements is important, but constantly highlighting one child’s success in front of siblings can create feelings of jealousy or inadequacy. Balanced recognition helps every child feel seen.
4. Unequal attention
Children quickly notice when a sibling appears to receive more time or attention. While individual needs differ, making an effort to spend quality one-on-one time with each child can reduce feelings of competition.
Also see: Are you falling into the ‘competitive parent’ trap?
5. Encouraging constant competition
Turning everyday activities into contests may motivate children temporarily, but it can also reinforce the idea that winning matters more than cooperation. Teamwork should be encouraged alongside healthy competition.
6. Taking sides during conflict
When parents automatically blame one child during disagreements, it can create long-term resentment.
Listening to both perspectives teaches fairness and problem-solving skills.
7. Expecting siblings to be the same
Every child develops at their own pace. Comparing academic performance, sporting ability or personality traits can increase tension. Recognising individual differences helps siblings appreciate one another rather than compete.
Ultimately, parents can reduce sibling competition by focusing on each child’s strengths, encouraging cooperation and creating opportunities for positive shared experiences.
Small changes in parenting approaches can foster healthier, more supportive sibling relationships that last a lifetime.
Also see: 5 ways to build a healthy co-parenting relationship
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