Motherhood is filled with love and joy, but let’s be honest—sometimes, it also comes with an unexpected volcano of rage. One minute, you’re fine, and the next, you’re snapping over spilt juice like it’s the end of the world. Is it just mom rage, or could it be a deeper trauma response?
Many moms experience intense emotional outbursts, not because they’re bad parents, but because their nervous systems are overwhelmed, often carrying the weight of past experiences. I’m a mom myself and I can attest to this. So, understanding the difference can be the first step to breaking the cycle, finding healthier coping strategies, and—most importantly—giving yourself a little grace.
Choosing Therapy defines mom rage also known as maternal anger, as a sudden, intense, and disruptive episode of anger that can disrupt daily life. The publication continues to state that this feeling can be exacerbated by external circumstances and a mother’s internal state, often influenced by unrealistic expectations of motherhood. This intense anger is said to lead to guilt and fear.
Mom rage is characterised by unpredictable anger outbursts, which can range from yelling at children to physically slamming cabinets or hitting pillows, explain the above source. “The outburst may seemingly come from nowhere, but it reflects the feelings of overwhelm or anger that are just under the surface. Moms may expend effort trying to live up to their own expectations regarding motherhood, but mom rage can erupt in an anger outburst that is totally uncharacteristic of that mom,” notes Choosing Therapy.
Psychology Today claims that according to research, parents with childhood trauma struggle more with emotional regulation and impulse control. The publication mentions that unresolved trauma keeps the nervous system in a state of hypervigilance, making it harder to stay calm under stress.
An outburst of anger due to triggered trauma can then easily be mistaken for mom rage, however, it is important to note the difference and find ways to cope and parent your kids in a healthy way as a mom. It is also advisable to seek professional help for these conditions.
The Momwell website advises on ways to deal with mom rage claiming that you should build curiosity and reframe the way you view your anger. It is stated that viewing anger as a friend, understanding its underlying triggers, and advocating for your needs can help.
Another strategy by the above source is recognising physical indicators of anger and having safe spaces to discuss it without fear of judgment. Momwell recommends working with your partner to identify early indicators and establishing a code word to check in with yourself, your emotions, and your body.
