Your children are at it again, fighting and screaming over the remote or fighting over the last slice of cake. So many times you have to play referee between the kids, when will it stop you may wonder. Children are still learning to control their emotions, therefore strong disagreements and fights aren’t unusual.
According to Cleveland Clinic, sibling conflict and rivalry is inevitable but quite manageable. The first step in making sibling feuds more manageable is understanding their causes. Your kids don’t fight just because one toy is better or one piece of cake is bigger. Instead, the majority of fights arise due to underlying causes such as birth order and family dynamics.
The squabbles may not end anytime soon but Raising Children suggests these examples on how you can handle these fights:
- Identify the cause of fighting
This helps you work out the best thing to do and how to handle the squabble going forward. For example, if a child has pushed a sibling and taken their toy, you need to step in. If you choose not to step in, the child learns that fighting is a way to get what you want. Keeping an eye on your children is the secret to knowing the reason for the fighting and deciding on the right way to deal with it.
- You will need to step in as a parent and stop the fight before the crying starts
This might require physically separating your children, or sending them to opposite sides of the room to settle down. If you do not step in before the crying starts, you will definitely have to deal with one physically hurt child and you do not want that for yourself nor the child.
- Keep your cool
Though staying calm or cool might sound impossible, it is doable. The idea is not to make things worse. Try to save your energy for giving positive feedback on behavior that you want to encourage.
- Tell children you’ll talk about it later
Children are often too upset to take in what you’re saying at first. Wait until things cool down before you talk about the issue. This could even be the next day with older children.
- Apply fair consequences for fighting to all children, if your family uses consequences
For example, if your children are fighting over a toy, make sure neither child gets the toy after a fight. You can also choose to ground them by not playing outside or their favorite electronics.
Also see: Bedtime mistakes to stop for better sleep for your kids
