No person gets married hoping to divorce, hence, when the time comes for a married couple to separate or divorce, it can be difficult and heartbreaking.
Having kids together with your spouse might make the divorce process heavier as the thought of breaking little hearts might be an unbearable sight. It is important to sit the kids down and talk to them about the changes that will soon happen before the divorce process starts. Following are six ways to tell your kids you’re getting divorced as shared by Fair Divorce.
Put on a united front
Have the conversation together, as a family. Kids need to see that their parents can “put aside their differences for the benefit of the children,” says Dr. Ned Holstein, the founder of the National Parents Organization. “The best way to teach children is by example.”
Answer their questions
Providing some certainty in a time of total flux is reassuring to children. “The more information (the kids have), to some degree, the better,” says Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist at New York Presbyterian Hospital.
But don’t get too specific
Kids of all ages will want to know what happened. Make like a politician and be prepared with vague answers. “They don’t need to know what’s wrong and they won’t be able to understand what’s wrong,” Holstein says. “Just tell them that mom and dad ‘need to be apart so we can take care of you better.’”
Reassure your kids about your love for them
“The most important message is, ‘We both love you, we both are gonna be here and that will never change,’” Saltz says. Also: make it clear that youngsters will still get to spend lots of time with the other spouse.
No name-calling
Leave the put-downs for the meetings with the divorce lawyer. Even if your husband or wife was a lying, cheating scoundrel, your child should not hear about it.“ Children still need a good mother and father,” Saltz says. “If you say, ‘Your father is a horrible person,’ that doesn’t mean he can’t be a good dad, but you are essentially taking him away from them in their head. He’s the villain now.”
No fantasies about the future
Do not say that you might get back together until “you decide you’re walking down the aisle again,” Saltz says.
Also see: Why divorce mediation is an essential component of legal coverage
