Gender-based violence (GBV) can be a difficult subject to discuss with children, but avoiding the conversation altogether may leave them without the knowledge and confidence they need to recognise unsafe behaviour and seek help.
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Children can be affected by violence directly or indirectly, including by witnessing violence at home or in their communities. Childline South Africa notes that GBV is not limited to sexual violence and can include physical, emotional, psychological and economic abuse.
Parents and caregivers can introduce the subject in an age-appropriate way, creating an environment where children feel safe asking questions and speaking about experiences that concern them.
Start with age-appropriate conversations
Children do not need to be given graphic details about violence. Instead, explain concepts such as respect, personal boundaries, kindness and safety using language they can understand.
For younger children, this could mean teaching them that nobody has the right to hurt, threaten or touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Older children and teenagers can have more detailed conversations about unhealthy relationships, consent, controlling behaviour, online abuse and gender stereotypes.
UNICEF recommends using age-appropriate language when discussing difficult issues with children and giving them space to express their feelings rather than expecting everything to be discussed in a single conversation.
Teach children that violence is not an expression of love
Children can sometimes encounter messages suggesting that jealousy, possessiveness or controlling behaviour is a sign that someone cares about them. Use everyday examples to explain the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviour. A healthy relationship should involve respect, communication, and the ability to say no.
The South African government’s GBV guidance encourages people to challenge beliefs and behaviours that normalise violence, inequality and harmful gender stereotypes.
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Talk about consent and boundaries
Your children should learn from an early age that they have a right to personal boundaries. Help them understand that they can say no to unwanted physical contact and that they should respect other people’s boundaries too.
As children get older, conversations about consent can become more specific, including the importance of respecting someone’s decision in romantic or sexual situations. These types of discussions should apply to everyone, regardless of your kid’s gender.
Create a safe space for them to speak
Children may hesitate to talk about violence because they are frightened, embarrassed or worried that they will get into trouble. It is important to let your child know that they can come to you with difficult information. Listen without immediately interrupting, blaming or becoming angry.
Childline South Africa emphasises the importance of giving children an opportunity to communicate in their own way and provides a 24-hour helpline for children and adults concerned about children.
Teach children where they can get help
Children should know that they do not have to deal with violence alone. Help them identify trusted adults they can approach, such as a parent, caregiver, teacher, school counsellor, relative or another responsible adult.
The South African Childline’s toll-free 116 helpline is available 24 hours a day and is free from all networks. Adults who are concerned about a child can also use the service.
Talking about GBV should not be a once-off conversation. As children grow older, their relationships, social environments and exposure to media change.
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